BMW K bikes (Bricks)


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151Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:04 am

Andrew2


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I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the curves have warning signs that say "15 KPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering and three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the greatest bikes.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life. And some of the credit must go to Malvern Star, as well. 
They really do make a great bicycle...

    

152Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:08 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
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Guy finds a bottle on a beach, gives it a rub, out pops a genie
You know the deal he says, want do you want?
OK says the guy, I've always wanted to go to Tasmania, but I'm terrified of flying and I nearly die from sea sickness. Want I want is a big bridge and freeway to Tassie
Whooooaa, says the genie thats a big ask even for me. Tell you what, I'll give you another crack
OK says the guy, been married a couple of times, but its never really worked for me, something about women that I dont get
What I'd really like is to understand how a woman thinks.
And the genie replies
About that bridge, do you want it 2 lanes or 4?


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

153Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:09 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. 
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. 
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." 
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.."


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

154Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:10 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
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Platinum member
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. 
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. 
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. 
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

155Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:17 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
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Platinum member
HOW TO GET PERMISSION TO PLAY GOLF

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy:
'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Second Guy:
'That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.'

Third Guy:
'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.'

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has Not said a word.

So they ask him, 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'

Fourth guy:
'I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the ass and said: 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said: 'Wear sun-block


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

156Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:19 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week, the musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me, pass the parcel was quick!!!


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

157Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:24 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
A little boy was sitting on the side of the road with a bottle of 
turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. 

A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what 
he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in 
the world, it's called turpentine." 

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy 
Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant 
women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby." 

The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub 
it on a cat's arse and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

158Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:47 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
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Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealer and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: '$390,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $2,950,000' for it.

MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $2,800,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $150,000 if it's really a pretty good price.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

159Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:48 am

Andrew2

Andrew2
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Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe. 

Has any one else noticed this? 

It gets worse........ 

next year...... 

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

160Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Fri Apr 13, 2018 9:37 pm

TacKler

TacKler
Life time member
Life time member
The other day while riding my motorcycle, I swerved to avoid hitting a kangaroo, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.  Dazed and confused I crawled up out of the ditch to the edge of the road.  Just about then a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women driver who asked, "Are you okay?"   


As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for..."I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. 


She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.” 


"That's nice of you," I answered, “but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!” 


"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted.  "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." 


Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive.  Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." 


We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." 


"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen.  "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" 


"Still in the ditch with my bike I guess.”


__________________________________________________
Red 1991 K75S
    

161Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:32 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour
of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.

The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have
him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for
just $100.'

The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They
return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald
Trump shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only
$100?

The American diplomats reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here,
and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.'


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

162Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:33 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
Irish confessional 

I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irishwhiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”


He replies: "Get out, you're on my side."


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

163Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:34 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
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Platinum member
A man had an accident whilst at his work bench and thought he should phone his wife.
"Hello dear. I'm afraid I've chopped off one of my fingers."
"What! The whole finger?"
"No. The one next to it."


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

164Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re-joke thread Wed Oct 03, 2018 6:18 pm

svenok

svenok
active member
active member
The joke thread - Page 4 Img_2510


__________________________________________________
K100RS 12/90 WB1052309M0200614
    

165Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Apr 10, 2019 12:33 pm

Ringfad

Ringfad
Life time member
Life time member
The human cannonball at the circus tells the ringmaster that's he's sick and tired of being blasted across the tent twice a day and that he's quitting. The ringmaster is distraught. "You can't do that", he says, "where else will we find a man of your calibre?


__________________________________________________
The joke thread - Page 4 Ir-log10

   ;BMW; K100RS Style Black 1987 105K Km     ;BMW; K1 Black 1993 60K Km     ;BMW;  K1100RS Black 1996       ;BMW; K1 Blue 1990 25K Miles
    

166Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Apr 10, 2019 12:40 pm

duck

duck
Life time member
Life time member
The joke thread - Page 4 Iv2DDP5


__________________________________________________
Current stable:
86 Custom K100 (standard fairing, K75 Belly pan, Ceramic chromed engine covers, paralever)
K75 Frankenbrick (Paralever, K11 front end, hybrid ABS, K1100RS fairing, radial tires)
86 K75C Turbo w/ paralever
94 K1100RS
93 K1100LT
91 K1
93 K75S (K11 front end)
91 K75S (K1 front end)
14 Yamaha WR250R
98 Taxi Cab K1200RS
14 K1600GT
http://www.ClassicKBikes.com
    

167Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty joke thread Mon Apr 15, 2019 6:35 pm

moriarti

moriarti
Life time member
Life time member
Tiger Woods is driving a MERC in Ireland when he sees an old guy thumbing a lift.He stopped and said,op in mate,as he sat down the auto seat belt fastened him in,Tiger laughed MERC safety he said,That's grand said the guy and bent down to pick something off the floor,whats these said he holding a few golf tees in his hand,You balance your balls on them ,before you drive off said Tiger,
MERC think of everything said the man  Razz

    

168Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed May 15, 2019 5:25 pm

Point-Seven-five

Point-Seven-five
Life time member
Life time member
"WTF?! My damn microwave doesn't work.   I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the "Pizza" button.  When the bell rang and I opened the door, the potato was still there."
Alexandria Occasio Cortez


__________________________________________________
Present: 1991 K100RS "Moby Brick Too"
 
Past:
1994 K75RT "Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS"
1988 K100RS SE "Special Ed"
1994 K75S "Cheetos"
1992 K100RS "Moby Brick" R.I.P.
1982 Honda FT500
1979 Honda XR185
1977 Honda XL125
1974 Honda XL125
1972 OSSA Pioneer 250
1968 Kawasaki 175
    

169Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Fri Jun 21, 2019 2:47 pm

Poupy

Poupy
Silver member
Silver member
A son asks his mother:
'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?'

The mother looks at her son and replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

    

170Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Fri Jun 21, 2019 3:33 pm

duck

duck
Life time member
Life time member
Why do women have small feet?  So they can stand close to the sink.

Why don't women need a watch? There's a clock on the oven.


__________________________________________________
Current stable:
86 Custom K100 (standard fairing, K75 Belly pan, Ceramic chromed engine covers, paralever)
K75 Frankenbrick (Paralever, K11 front end, hybrid ABS, K1100RS fairing, radial tires)
86 K75C Turbo w/ paralever
94 K1100RS
93 K1100LT
91 K1
93 K75S (K11 front end)
91 K75S (K1 front end)
14 Yamaha WR250R
98 Taxi Cab K1200RS
14 K1600GT
http://www.ClassicKBikes.com
    

171Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:48 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly lady. "I pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am," he tells her. "You were doing 73 in a 55 MPH zone."
"But the sign back there said the speed limit was 75!"
"No, Ma'am. That was the route sign, not a speed limit sign. You're on Route 75."
"Oh, my. I must have gotten confused."
"I am sure you were. But I'll still have to write you a ticket."
"Oh, that's okay, Sonny. I'm just glad you didn't find me back there on Route 136."


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

172Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:55 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
4 months ago i bought a book on how to scam people online, it still hasn’t arrived


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

173Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:56 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
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Platinum member
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

174Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Oct 30, 2019 6:01 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work.
But I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'"


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

175Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Oct 30, 2019 6:01 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

176Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Oct 30, 2019 6:03 pm

Andrew2

Andrew2
Platinum member
Platinum member
Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both"


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

177Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:13 am

duck

duck
Life time member
Life time member
Policeman to motorcyclist: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Motorcyclist: "Because I let you?"


__________________________________________________
Current stable:
86 Custom K100 (standard fairing, K75 Belly pan, Ceramic chromed engine covers, paralever)
K75 Frankenbrick (Paralever, K11 front end, hybrid ABS, K1100RS fairing, radial tires)
86 K75C Turbo w/ paralever
94 K1100RS
93 K1100LT
91 K1
93 K75S (K11 front end)
91 K75S (K1 front end)
14 Yamaha WR250R
98 Taxi Cab K1200RS
14 K1600GT
http://www.ClassicKBikes.com
    

178Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Wed Apr 01, 2020 11:14 pm

Rickmeister

Rickmeister
Life time member
Life time member
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles  around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his beer.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"


__________________________________________________
Assumption is the root of all stuff-ups!
    

179Back to top Go down   The joke thread - Page 4 Empty Re: The joke thread Thu Apr 02, 2020 9:39 pm

Rickmeister

Rickmeister
Life time member
Life time member
American businessman in Ireland. His work was finished so he went into a pub and sat down with a pint of Guinness. He says to the publican, "I'm really keen for a game of golf tomorrow. Do you know anybody here who I could have a round with"?

The publican says "Sure! Mick Magee is always keen for a game. I'll go and get him for you". Mick arrives from the back bar and they introduce each other. Mick says "I'll be at the course at 9 o'clock tomorrow....or...maybe a half hour later"

The next morning Mick arrives at 9, with a set of left handed clubs. They finish the round. Mick won convincingly. The American was a bit miffed. "Can we have another game tomorrow?" he asked. Mick says "Sure, I'll be here at 9 o'clock...or...maybe a half hour later."

Next morning Mick arrives at 9. This time he has a set of right handed clubs. They finish the round and, again, Mick won convincingly. The American says to Mick "Yesterday you played with a set of left handed clubs, today you played with a set of right handed clubs! How do decide which clubs to use?"

Mick replies, "Well, it's like this. In the morning, if the wife is lying on her left hand side, I'll play with the left handed sticks. If she's lying on here right hand side, I'll play with the right handed sticks."

The American asks "What if she's lying on her back?"

Mick replies "Then I'll be a half hour late!"


__________________________________________________
Assumption is the root of all stuff-ups!
    

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